Addicted
by melodiouslynocturne
Summary: For the last three years, Axel's been trying to change. For the first time in those three years, he has a reason to. Rated T for strong language.
1. Chapter 1

__I don't own the characters, just the story. Characters belong to Square Enix.__

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><p>As the last drop of blood hit the floor, he knew this would be the last. But he knew – he'd be after his next prey in only a matter of hours. The thoughts never ceased, the thoughts never quit. He wiped his mouth, the last remnants of saliva splattered to his grimy hands. He knew he'd have to stop, but he'd said that before. He stood, the body laying, whimpering on the cold floor. "Sorry." He muttered, slowly pulling his trousers up. The body barely moved other than to shiver, its hands clutching its ribs. He walked away misery drenching his being. Could he really be so cruel? He'd loved these people; they were his family. And yet…<p>

He rounded the corner of the shack, light blazing into his unadjusted eyes. He grunted, raising his hand.

"Have a good time this go? Did he scream like you wanted?" A blonde girl said, turning her gaze to his blank face. He merely grunted in response, heading to the door ahead of him. "Hey, idiot! You gotta pay! You know the rules!"

He spit on the floor, a nasty taste in his mouth. "Tell him I'll call him later." He stepped out the broken door, ignoring the girl shouting from behind him. He glanced up. It had started to rain, the darkened sky cloudy above the surely sleeping city. He glanced down at his watch. _Shit,_ he thought, reading the face as quarter to three. _I promised to be home at three._ He shrugged his heavy coat over his shoulders and began his tedious walk home.

He'd been telling himself for the last three years he would change. He had come close to changing over a dozen times and every time he got close. He found him back at the shed, starting all over again. In the process, he'd managed to lose everyone: his friends, his few remaining family members, lovers, anyone close enough to be affected by his addiction. But this time… This was different. He'd finally found his chance at a life of freedom, and he wouldn't give that up for anything.

He slowly eased the door open at a quarter to four. He expected to find himself alone, the house dark and silent. But hell, who was he kidding. He knew he wouldn't have been.

The younger man sat in front of the tv, some colourful Disney movie projected on the large screen. He was curled up on the floor, a bed quilt tightly wrapped around his skinny frame. "Axey! You're late! Where were you?" He asked as he stood, sleep clearly pressed into the corners of his eyes.

The redhead sighed. He would have to lie to the younger again. "I was out, Demyx. You know that."

Demyx yawned. "Yeah, but you said you'd be back years ago! I got worried something happened."

Axel half smiled. If only the blond knew what he'd been getting into. "I know. I'm sorry I'm late. But you look exhausted. Go back to bed, okay?"

"Okay." He nodded, his feet soundlessly padding their way to their bedroom. "I love you." He called over his shoulder before shutting the door.

He chuckled to himself, flopping onto the couch. As far as the blonde knew, he was out having drinks with some of his co-workers. He knew it was wrong to lie to his boyfriend, but he couldn't help himself. Demyx was so easily fooled, a flaw Axel had noticed within minutes of meeting him. He knew he could work it to his advantage, covering his addiction with a seemingly perfect life.

Sighing, he stood, slowly moving towards their bathroom. He flicked on the light and gasped – he didn't realize in all the dim light how much blood was on his clothes. The body earlier had bled a fair bit, but he thought he'd pushed his clothes out of the way of the spray. He stripped down to his boxes and buried his clothes in the hamper. He silently moved through the adjoining door to their bedroom and crawled into the bed beside Demyx, who instantly latched onto him.

He sighed. He knew Demyx was starting to suspect something, but he needed him to stay in the dark for just a few more days. Just enough so he could come up with a plan.


	2. Chapter 2

"Axey!" Demyx shouted from across the courtyard to me, running over to me. I shoved my biology notebook into my bag and threw on a feigned smile. He threw himself into my arms, beaming from ear to ear. "I saved a seat for you! Come on!" I chuckled as he pulled me over to the group.

Our group consists of myself, Demyx, Sora, Riku, Kairi, Selphie, and Roxas. They were already in deep conversation about their weekends once the blondie and I got there. All but one. "Hey Sora. Where's your brother?" I asked, even though I already knew the answer.

He looked at me, his eyes deeply sunken in, anger and knowledge written all over his face. "He got in late. Decided to take a personal day." He turned back to the group. "Not that you didn't know that already." He muttered just loud enough for Riku to hear him.

"Sora! Axel, can I talk to you for a minute?" Riku said, standing. I nodded and followed him over to the bench, a good one hundred meters away from everyone. The silver-haired man sat down and sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "Axel, Axel, Axel."

Knowing Riku and his interrogation style, that was not a good thing. "I know, I know. I shouldn't have." He knew of my habits, the only one aside from the people… intimately involved. "But you know me. I just couldn't resist."

He sighed, lookingup. "Sure, Axel. It's one thing if it's a stranger, someone you have no other reason of seeing. But someone you know? Have you really gotten that desperate?" I bowed my head. I'd fucked up this time. I fucked up bad. "Look, I get it. The… need gets the best of us. But you've got to stop. For real this time. You're my best friend and I'd do everything for you, but I can't keep covering for you."

I raised my head. "How is he?"

"Just chipper!" How the hell do you expect he is? He was raped last night by one of his best friends!" Riku said, probably a little louder than he should have. I glared at him, hoping to quieten him. He closed his eyes and sighed. "Axel, I'd love to help you out of this one, but I can't… No way.

He stood to leave, but I pulled him back by his shirt. "Tell me how to fix this. Come on, man. You always know."

He looked over his shoulder and sighed. "I can't help you. Not anymore. Best I can say is go apologize to Roxas and Sora. Especially Roxas."

I stood, following him back to the group. "Why Sora?"

"You can't honestly think Roxas didn't tell him anything that happened. Sora was up all night with him. Didn't leave till he was certain Roxas wouldn't do anything." He turned to the group and smiled, easily rejoining the conversation. I sighed and turned away.

"Axey! Where are you going?" Demyx called after me, worry plastered in his eyes.

"There's some stuff I've got to do. I'll call you later." I turned towards the direction of my car. This had to work. If I had any hope, everything had to work perfectly.


	3. Chapter 3

First on the list was Demyx. Sure, I loved the guy, but for his own sanity I had to let him go. He would be the easiest to do, but I knew it would break his heart for me to leave him. I sighed and dialled his number.

"Hello!" He said in his always cheerful voice.

"Hey Demyx. You wanna meet me for a drink or something?"

There was a pause and I heard him chatting to someone. Sounded like Zexion. "Sure! Where?"

"How about _?"

Sure! Give me ten minutes, kay?"

"Sure. Bye Demyx." I hung up and pulled out of our parking lot.

Ten minutes later, the blondie was in front of me, some fruity drink in the plastic cup in his hand. He took a sip. "So… What's up?"

I took a sip of my grossly overpriced coffee before speaking. "Demyx, we've got to talk." He put his cup down, his cheery smile still plastered on his face. I sighed. This may be harder than I thought. "We… I… We're done."

He opened his mouth like he was going to say something, but promptly closed it. "What do you mean?"

I sighed, dropping my head. He was so thick. "Demyx, I can't date you anymore. I… Things have changed. I just can't be with you anymore." I paused and took a sip of the disgusting mud water. "I'll come by later to pick up my stuff."

The damn boy still loved confused. "You're breaking up with me?" I nodded. He took a long sip. "Okay." He said all too nonchalantly.

I stared at him, utterly amazed. Did he not understand what I'd said, what I'd just done? "Demyx, aren't you at least a little bit upset?"

He shrugged. "I guess. But I figured this might happen. You have been really far away lately, Axel." That was a shock. Was his obliviousness all an act? "Funny story, I couldn't help but think maybe there was something going on, something you weren't telling me…" He hinted, implying he knew what I had done. I bowed my head, holding the paper cup of sludge water tightly. "Just tell me, Axel. What have you done that you're trying to fix?"

"It doesn't matter. All that's important is that for this all to fix itself, I can't be with you." I raised my head and looked into his eyes. What I saw surprised me.

Tears.

He stood. "Alright. Well, it was nice being with you." He stuck out his hand, intending me to shake it. But that wasn't how I would end it. I stood and hugged him, resting my face in his all too familiar smelling mulleted hair. He held on a moment before pushing me away and exiting the small coffee shop.


	4. Chapter 4

I had to call Riku. Hey may not have been my biggest fan as of late, but it definitely wasn't in him to turn away a friend in need. "Riku, I ended it with Demyx. Can me and my four boxes crash on your couch till I fix this? Call me back." I had to assume he was one of two places, and, given the late hour, I doubted it was work. I called Sora and Roxas' shared place and just as I expected, he answered. "Hey. Can I crash at yours for a bit?"

He sighed. "I suppose so. Axel. I don't know what you're doing, but I hope it works. I assume you wanted something? Something unrelated to talking to me?"

"Yeah." I pulled the car into park along the side of the dead street. "Do you think Sora or Roxas would talk to me tonight?"

As I'd known Riku for the better part of twelve years, I'd figured he'd react in one of two ways: yell at me over how dumb of an idea that was, or hand the phone over to one of them so I could fix this. Instead, he did the unexpected. "I'd talk to Roxas in person. He's gotten to the anger stage and phone calls just won't do. Sora, yes. Shall I get him?"

"If you could." I pulled my phone from my ear and took a deep breath to prepare for the new asshole Sora would surely rip me. "Sora?"

"Axel, you fucker. I can't believe you would do something like that! And to your best friend! You are…! I can't even find the word for pissed I am at you!" Sora yelled into the receiver. Of course he'd be pissed at me.

"Sora, listen to me, please." I managed to squeeze in before he started up again. Rubbing the bridge of my nose, I started talking. "I'm not going to lie- what I did to your brother and one of my best friends was completely out of line. I walked into The Shack hoping for a cheap lay, not caring who it was. I was drunk and all it was to me was a chance to get my frustration out. I am so sorry Roxas was put through that. I'd known he'd been drugged to get him to submit the amount he did. I took advantage of that and I hate myself for it. What I did was unspeakable and completely out of line. I know you'll never be able to forgive me for what I did, but please don't hate me. I want to change, Sora. I have to. I just need you on my side."

Silence. I breathed deeply, hoping for the least damage. Sora sighed. "You are an ass, no doubt about it. Maybe I'll forgive you, maybe I won't. At least you know some of the damage you've done."

"I know this may be a bit soon, but do you think I could see him tonight?"

"Hold on." I heard a commotion, most likely Roxas yelling. "Only if you're prepared to get ripped in half." Sora said with a slightly audible smile.

I smiled. "Best he let it out now than later, right? Before he does damage to himself?"

"Yeah… Uh, so we'll see you in a few?"

"Yep. Bye Sora. Thank you so much."

"Don't mention it." He replied. I chuckled. "Really. Don't. We'll see you soon."

"Bye." I hung up and put the car in drive, speeding towards their house.


	5. Chapter 5

_This is it, _he thought, pulling into the driveway of the two-storied house. He stepped a foot out into the cold night air where he stood for a moment, thinking of how good it felt to move and how soon he wouldn't be able to. Sighing, he moved to the front door and knocked.

"Hey Axel." Riku said, moving to the side so the taller man could enter. He glances around; he'd been in their house more than a few times, but its astronomical size got him every time. Riku shut the door behind him and went to sit on the couch. "They're upstairs. Second last on the left side. Right at the top of the stairs." He looked at Axel firmly. "Good luck, Axel."

He nodded before mounting the stairs. He took them slowly in his regular by-two style, reaching the top sooner than he'd've liked. He turned to face the right and froze. _This is the moment where all hell breaks loose,_ he thought, slowly advancing to the door. "Goodbye, Axel." He muttered to himself. "It was nice knowing you. Such a shame to let a sexy man as yourself die so young." He snickered to himself, standing in front of the door. "Oh, I'm so witty." He slowly put his hand on the handle, burning hot to the touch. He knocked before turning the doorknob. "Hello?"

"Axel! You son of a BITCH!" Came a shrill cry from the other side of the room before a pillow hit his face, knocking him unexpectedly off-balance. "Axel, you cock sucking, ass muching rapist! You shithead mother fucker! You…!" Sora pulled Roxas off of Axel and covered his mouth before he could hit him again and say another word.

I stood, rubbing my face. For a short, skinny brunette, Roxas sure hit hard. "Sora, let the man go. I can fight for myself."

Reluctantly, Sora did. "Axel you fucking waste of skin pig fucker! You inbred man whore! You fucking rape me and think it's alright to come over and fucking APOLOGIZE? You are an absolutely pathetic pissant!" Roxas screamed at me, punching my core, tears rolling down his face. In that moment, I had more respect for him than I ever have. I'd always known him to move on quickly and share his emotions, but never like this. I'd not once known him to get violent, not even when his brother or his friends were in trouble. He'd always use words to sort it out. It was actually… uplifting to see him reacting like that. He'd managed to knock me onto my back and continued to punching and insulting me before collapsing in a heap of tears and snot on top of me. "Why, Axel? Why would you do this to me?" He screamed, clutching the front of my shirt.

"Sh… Sh…" I cooed, rubbing his back, encouraging him to calm down. "I am so, so sorry, Roxas. I should not have raped you. I shouldn't have gone there that night. I hurt you in one of the most unforgivable ways. I am so sorry, Roxas." Tears flooded his own eyes. Why did he always manage to fuck things up like this? He'd loved the kid for four years. Hell, he once blamed their not being together for the cause of his addiction. He took whatever he could get: friends, family, strangers. As long as they looked like Roxas. That was all that mattered to him. He wanted Roxas so badly. And then he'd gotten him, but had been too drunk at the time to realize it was him. That morning he'd known what he'd done.

The two men laid on the floor holding each other, crying for reasons only assumed by the other. Once his tears had mostly stopped falling, Roxas finally raised his head to his friend, his rapist, his… "Axel, why? Why would you do this?"

The redhead wiped the few straggling tears from his eyes. "I… I was drunk. I was horny. I was desperate. I…" His voice faded out as he stared into the liquid blue eyes. The eyes that had captivated him so long ago. He wanted so desperately not to tell Roxas what was his reasoning, but he knew he'd have to eventually. "I'm addicted, Roxas. I'm addicted to sleeping around, going to whore houses, cheating. I've tried to change so many times over three years, but I can't stop. I would spring back a few hours later, all attempts useless." He closed his eyes and sighed. "But now… I have to chance. Everything. Nothing can stay as it is, was. I can't keep hiding this from you. You've been my best friend for five years, Roxas, but I couldn't help but think we could be… something more." I opened my eyes to his confused ones.

"Axel…"

"Roxas, listen to me. I love you, Roxas. For the last four years. I've been hunting people who look, act, sound like you for three of those years. Last night… I was drunk. I thought you were another look-a-like they'd found. This morning I realized it was you. I love you, Roxas. I told you I would never hurt you in that way, and I failed you. I am so sorry." He bit his lip. The younger got off of the redhead and kneeled beside his leg, silent. "I… I should probably go." Axel stood and walked to the door.

"Axel, wait." Roxas's tiny, faded voice said from behind him. He froze and clenched his eyes tight, fearing the worst. He felt the small eyes burning into his back. "So that was all an accident?" Nod. "And you love me?" Nod. There was nothing for a moment, then the squeaking of floorboards, the pitter-patter of bare feet. Before Axel had processed everything, Roxas was in front of him. "I think I may love you too."

"Roxas…"

"Axel, please. Just listen. I noticed. You got all tense around me four years ago, and then suddenly relaxed a year later. We told each other close to everything, and I had no idea what caused the sudden change. Now I get it - you only told me what I wanted to hear." Axel dropped his head. The light had breached the surface. "Axel. I get it. I've been starting to feel… something for you. Is it love? I don't know. But I know I was jealous when you got with Demyx and then moved in with him."

"I broke up with him a couple hours ago. My stuff is in my car." He said, hoping. Just maybe…

"I know. You've changed again, Axel. I… I forgive you. Don't get me wrong, what you did was idiotic and immoral, but I forgive you. Don't make me regret saying that." The shorter man rushed before standing on his tiptoes and kissing him.

Axel froze again. Was this what he'd wanted to happen? Roxas forgiving him and then kissing him? He had no idea. He pushed his lips against Roxas's in response and brushed his tongue out, grazing his lips, begging for entrance. Roxas complied and opened his mouth, draping his arms around the redhead in the process. As Axel's tongue discovered the ins and outs that was the brunette's mouth, his hands wound their way around the skinny waist. They stayed like that for a few moments, kissing each other with such passion neither had felt before. Roxas pulled away first, his cheeks flushed bright red, contrasting beautifully with his eyes. Axel smiled. "I love you, Roxas."

"I… I think I might love you, Axel." Roxas smiled in return, joy returning to his face.

"Would it be weird if I stayed here till I sort everything out? I can stay on the couch." Axel said, almost like he was begging. Riku may have been his best best friend, but he was a scary man to be around sometimes.

Roxas blushed, dropping his head. "You don't have to sleep on the couch. As long as you promise not to do anything."

He gasped slightly. "Are you sure?" The brunette nodded. He beamed and scooped the boy up in a hug. "Do you mind if I raid your fridge? I haven't exactly eaten all day and this man needs to be fed."

Roxas chuckled and nodded, leading him down to the kitchen. From opposite ends of the couch, Riku and Sora watched the two laugh while they made sandwiches, Axel lightly kissing Roxas's head.

"So." Sora turned to Riku. "Looks like Axel's resolved his problem."

"Yeah, yeah." The silver-haired man grunted.

Sora stuck out his hand. "Looks like someone owes me 50 munny."


End file.
